First Web entry

A journal, what to write in my first ever online entry? Black-er-dee-black-er-blowsy comes to mind. Black-er-dee-black-er-blowsy is a magic word I brought back from a particularly dark journey into the depths of my subconscious. I was lost in the fear of the fear of the fear of the fear of fear. I was overwhelmed with paranoia, but in the background behind my sensory storm I noticed this voice that wound say “black-er-dee-black-er-blowsy” and disappear as soon as I tried to pay attention to it.
I decided — reasoned — knew that this voice was me when I was 5. I’ve always been shy. I began kindergarten with a speech problem that required therapy. I remember that feeling of wanting to escape the attention of grown-ups.
Teachers would patiently listen as I said mispronounced words over and over. The Southern-accented language I used with my family failed me in that elementary in the suburbs of Chicago. But speech therapy was great. The comfort I had in those classes with only about 4 other kids is a warm memory.
But, it is the memory-feeling of wanting to hide from grown-up attention after seeking it that made me associate my child-self with this hide-and-seek-playing thought that chatted mumblings till I paid attention and it whispered black-er-dee-black-er-blowsy then was gone.
And it is the memory of all that which brought black-er-dee-black-er-blowsy to mind in consideration of writing a journal entry. How much of what do I want to share with, potentially, the world? What is worth saying? What will the cost or profit of my free speech be?
Most of the art I have posted so far involves a science fiction fantasy story line I’ve been growing since childhood.
The mixed-media arbor sculpture, The Tree of Life, pictures are a thing in my yard I’ve been growing since about 1989. It is far, far from completion but it is already good image fodder for my hyper-jungle-ecoscape illustrations. These are my attempts to portray the 40-kilometer-tall jungles that grow around the equator of my planet, Sirus.5.
About 30 years ago I used to play Star Wars in a pool with a favorite cousin — spaceships on the water planet. That water planet became Sector 5, what I’m now calling Sirius.5
Playing with toy spaceships turned into a fantasy closer to my preconceived idea of what I expected Star Wars to be like — World War II in space. Having had my imagination previously formatted by Star Trek, I expected great alliances between powerful alien and human powers.
I used to imagine all the good guys of Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica and Buck Rogers aligned against all of their bad guys. I thought that would be a great movie. Eventually I realized the all-star movie was impossible and embraced the desire to make Sector 5 a movie.
Yeah, when when I was 10 I decided I wanted to be a George Lucas. When I was about 20 I remembered that dream, and I fell in love with making expressive art. After a year and a quarter at the community college, taking mostly art classes, I decided I wanted to make a graphic novel and began to write. Well, I haven’t finished anything yet. I go through cycles of writing and art, its pretty weird. I’m still trying figure out my style and techniques for expressing what I need to.
So, my next step is to upload some art with decent resolution. I look forward to posting my older paintings.
SK

Black-er-dee-black-er-blowsy